Dear Sarah,

The moment you realised you didn’t know it all and that it was ok not to know it all is the moment you were able to live your life your own way. 

When you broke up from your first relationship after 6 years – you thought you knew it all. You thought you would get a fairytale ending. You came home from Australia and tried with everything in you  to make the best of the situation you were in. 

You held your head high and continued to work hard. There were days you cried to yourself because your world had fell apart , it wasn’t your fault yet you felt it was. You carried the burden.

You moved on so quickly, you fell in love and this was it , it was the fairytale happening. You would have the happy ending the happy ever after. This is what life had set out for you. 

You fell pregnant so soon , 6 months later to be exact. This was all you had ever wanted, a baby of your own , a family of your own. Someone so young yet so mature. Knew exactly what she wanted.

You made plans for your future . The excitement. Everyone said it was too soon to be pregnant. We didn’t know eachother well enough. Truth was we did….. We knew eachother inside out…. as friends though as friends . At the time you didn’t think that or know that. You would prove them wrong. All of them.

You had a tough pregnancy from the word go. Morning sickness , You weren’t too sure why they called it morning sickness because it wasn’t just in the morning…. it was all day long. Not being able to eat no energy. The pregnancy started to drain you. It wasn’t as enjoyable as you imagined….. the pregnancy glow? What glow? Did you need to buy it somewhere because you sure as hell weren’t glowing.

The little kicks started , the butterflies in your tummy this started to make you feel better about the pregnancy. 

You talked names, bought little outfits , picked out a buggy sorted the car seat. Did all the things You should do.

You followed the Slimming world Pregnancy plan . To prove it can be done. You didn’t have to gain loads of weight in pregnancy.
At the time you said it was for you, looking back Sarah was It? Or was it just proving another point.

You planned your labour. You were due the 16th of September. In your mind that was it ,  we would have a baby that day. You weren’t having a section either. It wasn’t even to be talked about. This was gonna be a natural labour. You would bounce back to yourself and get back to Slimming World asap you would be a super mom. Show them how it’s done. 

Ye would be the happiest family who lived a perfect life. 

But it didn’t go this way Sarah. It caused you so much anxiety. So much stress.

You went into labour but you weren’t dialating. So it was decided an emergency section. You cried your eyes out as you had gotten to this stage and now it was out of your control. I suppose it was the first time you realised you aren’t in control anymore.

Your bundle of Joy arrived at 2.45am on the 24th September 2016 weighing 8 pounds 6 ounces.

 7 minutes after a c section was decided.

Here’s more of it…..

You had it all planned out remember. You never thought of things going wrong because you thought you could control it all.
Your baby wasn’t by your side his first night in the world he was in the neo natal unit for 2 days. So again you start to think why is this happening to me. 

You look back now and realise it happens to so many others day to day you just never thought outside of your plan.

You come home from the hospital 5 days later not 2 days later like you planned.

You start to see that this isn’t easy. Being a mom isn’t what you had imagined. 

You go through the first few months you have a routine for your Son & you.

You close yourself off from people. You stayed in alot – mainly because your section Scar didn’t heal properly . You didn’t want help from anyone only you knew how to care for your baby boy.

It caused problems. Your relationship suffered.

 When your baby was 3 months old you sign up to open your own Slimming World group. Launching your own business. Did you even realise at the time what you had taken on with a baby so small?

You made more plans. Still in denial of the fact you cannot control everything.

Luke was 5.5 months old when you held your opening night March 14th 2017.

You were back to yourself back to thinking the fairytale was still going to happen this was all you ever wanted. 

A New business & a new baby , a steady relationship.

So happy & content.

But you weren’t. You were tired. Wrecked actually . Your relationship was failing. Arguments were happening. The baby got older, slept less , needed you more. 

It wasn’t the routine you had , bottle nap bottle nap…. 

You had to make a new routine. 

But you then realised babies don’t have routines (unless they are robots). They are humans. They will have days they will do what you need them to , so you get through your day but they will have days they won’t and these days happen more. 

You start to struggle a little. You don’t ask for the help you need . To the outside world your super woman running a new business and managing being a mom at the same time while always making sure your weightloss isn’t effected. 

You had this perfect picture of how it should be and that was the only way it would be. 

The relationship isnt ok but you stay put. No way are you going to be a single mom. No way is your son going to have two homes. You panick. How could that even work. How could you share your son. This isn’t how it was meant to be. You were proving people wrong. This would work.

But it didn’t. It ended.

You realised about 9 months after your son was born that you couldn’t stay together for his sake. Because it would only make things worse for him.

At the time you thought your world was falling apart again. 

What would they be saying about you ? Worrying about others opinions on the situation. 

Looking back now you did know eachother but as you said …. it was as friends. 

Not as partners.

You were the best of friends but you two , ye were on different levels. You wanted different things in life. 

You both made the best decision you could for all 3 of ye. 

So here you are. 6 months since the relationship ended. Your not living the fairytale you thought you would be living.

You don’t have a robot of a child who sleeps 12 hours a night. 

You have a 1 year old going on 21. Who sleeps in your bed with you – that’s when he actually decides to sleep . (Your child would never sleep in the bed with you, remember saying that). He throws tantrums in the shops , In the car , anywhere he wants to really (Yeah Sarah remember you wouldn’t allow your child act that way) He won’t do something because you ask him to he will do what he wants to and realistically you leave him because you get a bit of peace & quiet. 

You now 100% know your life is your life. Nobody elses. You have stopped comparing it others. 

You live at home still and will do for another year until you get a mortgage on your own. Again something you would of never thought would happen because it wasn’t in the fairytale. 

Your Running 4 very successful Slimming world groups. Your working full time (don’t believe for one second being a consultant is rocking up to the venue weighing people getting paid and leaving it’s not!!!!) 

You Have won an award for Blogger of the year 2017 – you , Did you ever think you would even be nominated?

You have achieved so much more than you ever thought you would. None of which was apart of the plan.

You might never meet someone again , You might fall in love tomorrow. You don’t know what will happen in the future nor do you need to know. Because its not for you to worry about .

You can’t control it so don’t worry about it.

You have your health & your son has his. Ye have eachother.

Your 7 stone 4 pounds down. You did it. You lost the weight and kept it off. 

Sarah I’m glad you now know that life isn’t a fairytale. Life is hard. Being a mom is hard. Working while being a mom is hard. Nothing will go how you plan it to. You can’t control every situation. 

You just need to keep working as hard as you are , keep being the mom that you are and living your life how you want to. Not how you “think” you should.

You have got this

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1 Comment

  1. Clodagh O’Sullivan Reply

    Omg Sarah I have a tuck in my heart & tears in my eyes You are inspirational & human too. Well done keep up the good work. X

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