It does not matter…..

Hey Guys

I really needed to write this post for myself. For me to read each time I’m being how I was last night.

So for those who follow my snapchat (fatnflabfitnfab) you will be totally aware of my little tantrum last night. About how the reason I don’t go out or even bother to try go out is nothing fits properly. It’s embarrassing

All my old stuff fit me , my old jeans pre pregnancy , they all tie up on me .That’s not the problem. My problem is ive lost 6 stone ,gained my 28 pounds pregnancy weight , have gotten down 21 pounds 7 weeks post baby yet I still have this tyre of saggy loose skin. It is all I can describe it as. Every jeans I wear every dress I try, I’ve a huge bulge on my lower tummy and hips. Even before Pregancy I had this . Now it’s just a millions times worse.

My stomach is just my weak spot. I know we all have our own personal insecurities but tonight we had the meeting for Lukes christening and had dinner plans. As I was getting ready I put on an off the shoulder jumper top but it hung off me because I don’t carry my weight in my shoulders or chest so it wouldn’t wear how it was meant to, So I put on an dress and tights. I went up stairs had a big fight with my sisters and my mom all because of this belly of mine and how I knew I looked huge yet they said I didn’t so I got the mads because id rather they say I did looked shaped out. Problem is no matter what went on me I was shaped out. I ended up in my good old reliable black playsuit and tights from Topshop.

I killed poor Brian for asking me to dinner because sure it’s his fault I had to find something to wear over going out ( I know i know im so bold)  then had a whinge to him over how I wasnt going for the dinner he booked and how I’d cancel the christening in 2 seconds if I’ve nothing to wear. He calmed me down anyway and we eventually got to dinner , had our first night out together since Luke was born. I did have an amazing night and it felt really good to just relax , enjoy food and a glass of wine just us 2.

Let me get to the point of the title…..IT DOES NOT MATTER.

Im always the one to look at the glass half full instead of half empty but when it comes to my weight and size I dont.

Coming home id over 50 snapchats to look at. I’ve a good 1500+ followers on snapchat and I just sometimes don’t get a chance to reply if I get distracted or what not (mom life). I scrolled through them and seen a snapchat off a girl. A follower of mine…… an amazing courageous girl, who I dont even know personally.

My heart broke into 2 before I even opened it. I just seen her name. I just knew instantly what a selfish , ungrateful , inconsiderate person I was being before I even read that snap.

She was so helpful and understanding but made me see I’ve got everything I need in life. She had gone through her pregnancy has the tyre has the bulge but unfortunately didn’t have her baby to love and cuddle in the end.

Here I am , 25 years old ,a new healthy happy baby , a loving boyfriend and an amazing supportive family, I’m reaching my weightloss goals ,my page is doing well. Yet I stood in front of a mirror tonight and cried over my bulge. Something that does not matter. It’s there I cant change it only work with it.

Why doesn’t it matter?  Why doesnt any of our personal insecurities matter?

Well because when I am giving out about my body after my baby or how I cant find anything to wear . Or even when I’m doting on my baby and showing my love for him to each and every follower…. I forget….. I forget……..

There is a person out there who’s gone through pregnancy ,who has the marks who has the bulge and the saggy skin yet that poor girl doesn’t have her baby. I never stopped to think about those who have stillbirths or those who have to carry their Baby knowing it’s going to be born sick or that it may not survive. Those who spend months up and down to neo natal units watching their babies fight daily to live. Those who’s kids are in hospital long term. We as humans don’t think until it’s at our own door.

There are people out there who would love the bulge who would love to have a mark that shows they carried a baby but unfortunately for whatever reasons they can’t have one.

While I crib that I don’t have a dress for my child’s christening or that I’m not organised for it….. there’s thousands out there who are fighting for their lives,battling on, praying each day they see the next.

While I nag that Brian doesn’t do enough for me just being a bitch in a temper knowing he bends over backwards for me. I’ve never wanted for a thing nor has Luke. Im consistently told how much he loves me there is someone out there who would love that relationship. Who would love the amount of respect he shows to me.

While I argue with my mom over clothes not suiting my shape there are people out there who don’t have their mom here with them. Who don’t have the support ive had and will always have from her before Luke and now with Luke.

While I argue with my sisters as if it’s their fault ive a bulge , I forget about those who don’t have sisters to help them when they need it. I took my humor out on them after they spending time on colouring my hair and blow drying it , pampering me for going out. How ungrateful is that?

So it doesn’t matter none of it matters. I need to be less ungrateful at times and realise what I do have, count my blessings . I need to stop focusing on immaterial things like clothes or how they fit me. I need to just find what suits my body and dress that way. Yes it might not be the clothes id like to be able to wear or not the newest trend but it’s my body I cant do anything about it only keep trying to change its shape. End of.

Just remember whilst we nag over these things someone out there would love to be in our place.

Just take a minute to appriciate your life and what’s in it.

Another incident yesterday for me….

Before all of this happened I was driving to the salon for my 2pm appointment and as I did a man was lying in the middle of the road. Flat on his back. Cars just drove past and didn’t stop. Why wouldn’t you stop? How do you even sleep knowing you left a person on the cold ground and drove on. I couldnt not stop because this is a person this is someone’s son someone’s dad someone’s brother or relative.

I stopped, I pulled over got out and went to see was he ok. Now the honest part of it is he was drunk and under the influence but I didn’t care. He needed help as he was out cold on the floor.

I rang an ambulance. Still people drove past me while I’m trying to help him. Thankfully other decent human beings stopped and helped me help him. I didnt care if he was drunk or had taken something I cared about helping him. Who was I to judge him? Anyone that passed wouldn’t of known he was drunk unless they came over near him and smelt it so I just dont understand why you wouldn’t stop. He could of had a seizure or had an illness that caused him to fall. I know he didn’t but still. Thankfully the ambulance came. I was 40 mins late for my app today but I didn’t care. I can sleep knowing I helped him.

From a very young age my Dad has thought me the saying it’s nice to be nice and it doesn’t cost a thing. How right is he?

Why just why wouldn’t you help someone?

This is always my manner anyway I am a helpful person but when it to comes to my saggy belly I lose it , get so cross and just forget how good of a person I am and how I’m always preaching to be grateful yet there are always times I need to preach to myself. That is what matters being a decent human being considering others.

So be that person, be helpful , grateful , count your blessings and always realise someone out there has it worse than you. Our everyday problems aren’t problems at all.

Most of our bodies , our insecuritie problems …. well they are problems…..our own problems…… but each problem when you look and it , really think about it…that problem…. it doesn’t really matter.

Sarah xoxo

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3 thoughts on “It does not matter…..

  1. Heartbreaking such true words going to sleep tonight thankful for my lumps and bulges and my two beautiful sons. Keep up the good work your inspiring people everyday Luke is a lucky boy to have such a fantastic mum xx

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