Back in 2012 I went on a hen party to Malaga ( a great one at that) and I will never forget it to this day (who doesn’t love a hen??). However it’s for many different reasons, most of them are great memories & ones I will always cherish , laugh at when I look back but it was also the moment I decided enough was enough.
Here is an insight to what happened………..
So we had set colours to wear for each night. However one colour was Yellow. Now at this point I was a size 22-24(no offensive to anyone who is this size or anything, once you are happy that is all that matters) however I wasn’t happy in myself and I remember the dilemma I had trying to get a yellow dress. The dramas!!! I searched high and low, even contemplated cancelling my ticket, I worried so much and it was all down to my weight.
How could I go if I didn’t have a yellow dress? (Looking back It didn’t even matter as no one would of said a thing)
I eventually had seen a dress on ASOS a size 24. I ordered it. I was over excited about the dress….this was when I felt a bit of confidence…you know when you buy something and you feel you are sorted now and need do no more??? That’s how I was when I found the dress.
I couldn’t even tell you how much it was (knowing me not much as I didn’t spend money on clothes back then)
So the dress arrived…… disaster struck….I had 2 reactions to that dress that day – that should of been a sign for me to not wear it. A client in my sister’s hair salon (Fusion Hair Design Cork) she actually thought I was winding her up and laughed. Innocently she didn’t mean any harm to me….but the hurt I felt it sticks with me.
It had to be taken in a bit (it was chiffon so I got more room in the 24 than I usually would of) so I brought it up to the dress maker. Once I got the dress back off them – I went up home (the same day), where my Betty Boo (my Nan – my nickname for her) was living at the time. I came up the stairs and said “well Betty Boo” she was in hysterics and said to my mom “is that for the stage” she thought it was a costume. Ha-ha. I laugh now I didn’t then. Poor Betty Boo meant no harm.
I didn’t have a choice….. I had to wear the dress. I didn’t want to let anyone down by not going.
Off I went on the hen, with a lovely bunch of girls. I knew no one really only the bride and my 1st cousin. I am a very outgoing person I would talk to the wall, although sometimes it takes me a while to settle into places (about 5 minutes) but I would always be self conscious. I think (half hope) all us girls are?
We got to Malaga and they said which colour we would wear the first night. Unknown to everyone I felt sick in my stomach. I was first to say “the yellow”. I just wanted it over and done with…. At the time I made jokes about it myself because growing up I went through my fair share of bullying regarding my weight (I’ll save it for another post). I kept saying mine is Like Big Birds- which to me it was.
To me, making a joke about my weight and I made me feel more comfortable? Maybe no one will understand that, maybe some of ye will, maybe some of ye do it now yourselves. It was my way of dealing with being overweight.
That weekend came & went & the yellow dress was set alight
Joking….but It was never to be seen again.
No one made me feel out of place and uncomfortable that weekend apart from myself and my own self consciousness. (Still so self conscious it doesn’t go away)
A seed was planted in my head–
I didn’t have to be the funny , overweight girl who always made people laugh, the life of every party. Being to nice to say No to people. It was my time, my time to make something of myself. Everyone always asks why I decided to lose weight or change my lifestyle…… this was why……
That I couldn’t be 22 years old & over 18 stone, living this way. Comfort eating, not even caring what I was putting into my mouth. It was a rut, a routine.
I came home and I joined Weight Watchers. I think I lasted 1 week and I was fooling no one only myself to think me using all my points on crap foods was going to work. These plans work every plan works it’s how we as individuals chose to use the points, syns and calories.
That is when I decided to join EVOLUTION HEALTH & FITNESS, MONAGHAN RD Cork.
A decision to this day, looking back was the making of me.
I went down Day 1, as true as god, in a 2XL t-shirt from men’s section in penny’s, black leggings and runners. I was an absolute nervous wreck. Why was I doing this? Would I just turn the car back? I didn’t need to do this did I? Surely there was something easier, less uncomfortable & awkward out there for me?
I spent my first few weeks doing 3*30 minute sessions and following a strict food plan– well looking back it wasn’t strict but compared to what I was eating it definitely was strict. I cried, I was in agony, it wasn’t easy. I spent nights on the couch as I couldn’t walk down the stairs, trying to go to the toilet??? Forget it. My poor legs and arms were so sore, I’m sure I vomited 3 or 4 times in the first few weeks after training (this is normal don’t let me scare you)…… I wasn’t giving up. I wanted this, for me…… not for anyone only myself.
I kept at for the first 3 months. I was so determined I avoided events and Parties. Christmas came around in the middle of the 3 months. I had a choice , waste the few weeks id put down only to start again or else to see that this few hours of eating and drinking was not worth going through all I had given of myself. So Christmas 2012 it was limited. I didn’t overindulge. I was going to do this. I haven’t turned back since. I trained with them for near a good 18months in total.
Losing weight & toning up, getting the compliments. It became addictive, honest the feeling you get when your clothes are looser and people take time to say something nice to you, when you’re not crying or having a mini meltdown every time you’re going out because NOTHING FITS …. It’s worth it.
The First 6 months I was 100% but then you know yourself….. On it, off it. Its life! I never gave up! I dropped 4.5 stone by this point. I learned a valuable lesson. It doesn’t matter how hard you work in the gym if you have no control of what’s on your plate.
I then travelled to Australia In March 2014. I swore to myself I would not gain the weight back. You can imagine, I was a 24 year old girl making a HUGE step in her life. Australia thought me so much, not just health and fitness wise but about life (another day, another blog post).
I was kind of up and down the whole time in oz. Both physically- regarding my weight and mentally/emotionally – draining.
I might as well be honest about it. It’s hard to not gain weight over there. For me I was finally living out of home (I know I could have just moved out here Ha-ha) but I was making my own choices and decisions. (I blamed Mam and dad for me eating for years over the shopping they brought in ha-ha) Of course when I was down In Coles doing the shopping I was all about the crisps, chocolate, easy to cook foods for the first few weeks. Months passed it was up and down.
It was December 30th 2014 I said to myself You have 8 weeks to Donnas (my sister) wedding get off your bum and stop thinking because I lost weight already I didn’t have any more to lose. I suppose you could say it was only then I decided this wasn’t a diet I was going on…..it was not, it was going to be a lifestyle change that I was going to be in control of all the time, when I was off track it’s because I chose to be and that’s ok to once I got back on it.
Don’t you lose weight or change your lifestyle for anyone but yourself because take it from me It won’t work you need to want it, If you don’t love yourself enough to take control of your life then re-evaluate your life and how you feel towards yourself. Answer me this, Why don’t you deserve it? Why shouldn’t you give yourself 1 hour out of 24 each day? Let that hour be for prepping food, researching foods, exercising, having you time, going for a walk.
We forget that we have only one life, it is to be lived to the fullest so yes live but also mind yourself and your body after all it’s the only one you have. Mind you.
It was that day that I set up my 8 week weight-loss challenge on Facebook . Where I put myself out there for people to support and help me to stay on track for 8 solid weeks before travelling home for the big Day. I worked hard for those 8 weeks training myself in a gym twice day and eating freshly cooked clean meals. I posted on this page everyday all my meals and workouts my ups and downs…..I reached target for the wedding and I was so proud. I WAS DOWN OVER 6 STONE. The page had exploded and it soon became a part of my life.
Little did I think 1 year later I would have 7000+ followers and that I would be a support system for others?
Between the Times I came home from Australia April 2015 and my holiday in September 2015, I had gone back to Evolution for 12 weeks but I was emotionally not able for it. My heart wasn’t in it. My 6 year relationship had just ended. I had to deal with it myself in my own way.
So I left once I did my 12 weeks maintained the same weight…….nothing to do with Evolution whatsoever. I am grateful for everything they did.
I then got a great offer to Train with John Morey in Ultimate Fitness Holly hill Cork and I did that for a few weeks, again couldn’t fault him in anyway shape or form. A fantastic trainer & motivator.
I realised a few weeks in I couldn’t train anymore. I just did not have the interest I had before. I was tired, drained and slowly falling back into ways I didn’t want to fall back into. I was dealing with anxiety and issues within my Life that I was avoiding.
I went off on Holidays with my family and out of 10 nights away I had 1 night out. Not the norm for a 24 year old.
I worked myself up so much I couldn’t enjoy it. I had gained back weight and felt crap (about a stone and a half). It was enough to make me feel uncomfortable in myself. Something I will say, losing weight is amazing but you don’t change inside. You are still the same person. Your feelings are the same. So if you’re hoping it will be the answer to all your problems it won’t, that isn’t me being harsh it’s me being real.
LOVE YOURSELF ALWAYS- NO MATTER WHAT THE SCALES SAY OR YOUR CLOTHES SIZE
I joined slimming world, to monitor my weight when I got back from holiday to try grab control of it again. I was going with my mom. Who needed that push too!
We went to the glen Group on a Monday evening – 5.30pm. I made a statement to my consultant (Lorraine- who is an amazing person) that I was sceptical of slimming world and that I didn’t believe it would work. I wasn’t long eating my words. I’m down over a stone (gained 5 for Christmas) by doing nothing other than following a simple easy do-able plan fit for every lifestyle.
Some of you reading this might say oh sure she was all about the personal training and clean eating – I was.
As I’ve said, all these plans work or else they wouldn’t be out there. It’s choosing what works for you.
I do plan to take up some training and exercise this year again because it is good for you not only physically but mentally. It’s healthy for our mind.
I am down 6 stone and 5 pounds. I’ve gone from a 22-24 to a 12-14
This is my story regarding my weight loss and why I started.